When Pain was Silent

When pain was silent

And my voice was mute

I found ways to scream into the void

And vocalize what plagued me.

I drew on my skin

Because scars show

And they made the intangible,

Something I could see.

I tried to disappear

Shrink myself by fading into my skeleton

Because I craved to conceptualize

And fought to visualize

My deterioration

Despite it being my destruction.

When I bury myself in dark corners of my mind

And I let silence

Blockade me

All I can do is self-sabotage

To oblivion

Begging to be saved

Without a word from my lips.

I no longer wish to speak

With blades nor with food.

With behaviors to shout the pain

I can talk about.

I no longer subside to the shame

Because darkness fuels darkness

And I want

Light.

I no longer surrender to stigmatization

Fear of rejection

I no longer seek to transform my pain

Into a visual nor measurable entity.

I just make it heard.

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